Just for Fun

I wrote this for my English Composition 2 class. I am kind of proud of it and wanted to share it here.

Motherhood is the one thing I wish to attain. For years I have fought off baby hunger with a stick and suppressed those feelings. One might ask why and the reason is simple. It is just not time. While I can hold these feelings at bay, they visit me more often than before. Haunting my dreams and straying into my wakeful thoughts. Since I feel this way, I notice babies or pregnancies everywhere I turn. Around one corner I’ll see a tiny angel with chubby cheeks and wispy hair who is chewing away at its fist. A few corners later and I’ll find myself face to face with a gorgeous woman bearing a swelling belly. Pregnancy is such a beautiful and fascinating thing. I want to experience it. However, I cannot deviate from the plan. Only two more years of waiting, but at times those two years feel so far away. Sometimes I will hear a little whisper in the back of my head that constantly loops “We could make it work, we could make it work.” For a few minutes I will allow myself to day dream about making it work, but the nightmares soon follow. I have haunting dreams of a happy and healthy baby, diaperless in my arms, who giggles while I run around the house frantically looking for a diaper. No one is around to help me. The dream can only mean one thing. We could have a happy and healthy baby now, but we won’t be able to give it everything it will need. Not yet anyway.

Let's Talk About Sex

Sex is such a delicate issue. In some ways I feel it's even more delicate when it comes to many of us women. Why are we so scared to talk about it even when we're really enjoying it? I'm currently reading the book What's Up Down There? By Lissa Rankin M.D. I'm in the middle of the orgasm chapter. This book has caused me to look at my own experiences. Before I was with my husband, I had never experienced an orgasm. I didn't particularly understand why people had sex. I figured that it was just something that you did when you were in a relationship. When I first had sex with Jake, my hubby of five years, sex didn't feel like a chore. It was kind of pleasurable even. However, I just couldn't let go. I felt really guarded. In time I started to let go, but all my toe curling moments were more like "mini" ones. I honestly cannot remember when it was that I actually experienced a full blown orgasm, but I remember that I still wasn't crazy about sex.

I mean, I really enjoyed it, but I was never in the mood. There would be some weeks when we had sex more than once a week, but there were weeks when we would not have sex at all. It was aggravating to me. I felt so bad that I just didn't feel like it. Luckily that changed after I turned 25. Honestly, I was a ways into 25. It was after I was denied birth control that the animal that is my sexual desire began to stir and awaken. Guess what, she is very hungry. Now I get it. Now I understand why people like to have sex. Gone are the weeks of no sex. I'm selfish now. I don't like to curl my toes just once. No, now I want to shiver at LEAST three times. Hello world! This goddess is feeling good and here to stay!